brokenness

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27

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{ Thankfulness for Matthew Kreider bringing this subject to his post. }

I need the guidance of God. Brokenness is all around me as well as within my self. It is a very overwhelming thing to look at. When i am shown the brokenness, i can try to cover it or fix it, be angry about it, be frozen by overwhelming fear or guilt; …or i can look to Jesus, …in Hope, Faith and Love.

I should be aware of brokenness, but, have my main focus on relating with God; giving over and asking and listening. He will change my heart and tell me what to do.

Listen to Him and do it.

Sometimes i hear, and i don’t do. His voice is soft. So soft and clear to my to my heart. My mind overrides and makes itself busy thinking about what i want to do.

Listen to Him and do it.

There is nothing wrong with His form of communication. It doesn’t need an update or to be repeated. There is no break in the connection, …i can hear Him clearly. He tells me what He wants me to do. There is no question about that.

Am i going to do what He tells me to do? That is the question.

Or am i going to focus on the brokenness?

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“Our life is full of brokenness – broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God’s faithful presence in our lives.”
~Henri Nouwen

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photo via flickr

sincere

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in love.  ~From Romans 12.


.It is hard to know just what is done with each person through joy and suffering. All of us are on the edge of faith at all times, no matter what we have been through. A person can come to to a certain kind of understanding and perhaps to a greater heart acceptance of others, but it’s still hard to live it. We have seen the refining that can take place, the growth of understanding. Perhaps people can learn and grow from being with one another, if our heart is open to it.

I don’t know. I don’t know how these things work…but, it seems that if our heart is open to caring about one another, that our heart would stand greater chance of remaining open. And the Holy Spirit can work with an open heart.

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faith thoughts

we all like our comforts, and we have so many varied things that we hold onto that speak comfort and security to us. but, it’s the thoughts about those things that comforts us. 
those things that we hold in this way is a ‘wall’ between us and fear. only this wall keeps us separated, untouchable, and in one place.
God is better than the the things that we hold onto for comfort. God is our comfort…without the wall.
the only way to get rid of the wall it seems… is transfer holding onto the things, to holding onto God.  how do we transfer our hold?  how do we let go of the things that we ‘hold’ so dear? 
can we see what makes up the wall? can we even see the wall? perhaps we can’t see that there is a wall, until we let go of the way we think about the things that we hold onto…and the way that we think about God.
we don’t want to let go of anything that we have taken hold of for our self. our wonderful wall.
hold onto God.

SO…

I think that perhaps i am to continually pass-along the good things that i have been given.

To share. And not to keep anything that i can not use. 
All truly belongs to God and He gives some of the same things to everyone. 
But, everyone does not do the same things with what they are given.

I wonder about what i do and why i do it.

It brings questions.
What do i keep for myself or for the future, that someone can use now?
What have i not used that could be used?
What is held back within me, within my mind, in my heart, my closet, my attic, that will only fade and decay and not be used and shared and passed-along before fading?
What have i held back, out of fear, laziness, anger, forgetfulness, greed, or lack of caring?

Does giving produce something more than i am aware of?

Does passing-along something good that we are given, join something together, does it make a way, a path?  Does it unlock something, or allow something to happen?

Not that i am going to know all the answers to these questions.
I know that i can not possibly be thinking of these things all of the time
I can’t worry and fret about the answers.
I can only continue to believe and hope and listen and be changed.
And i think that is what is actually happening.
I am still being changed.
My heart is hearing, my mind is beginning to understand,
and so
i must take some steps toward what i begin to understand.

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I NOTICED THAT…

My faith is a matter of the heart. I am realizing that living out of this faith is better than writing about it. And if i am going to write, it is much better to write to God. The writing is mainly to try and process thoughts, but it also feels like a prayer. It would probably be better to write my pondering onto paper, as it is not something that is meant to guide anyone in their faith. With that thought, i have decided to delete my latest posts along these lines, and maybe some of my older ones as well.

MORE CHOICE


I came to a child-like faith and Love of Jesus in the 1970’s. I had wandered away from that for 25 years, married   twice, both times to non-believers.  But, i came back. I entered a place of major depression and anx…and during that time, God was the only one for me to talk with. With a part of life gone, it was good to see that He was there with me in that place.
I see and know that God is with me now, even with all the things that have been given back to me for this time. I know that all that we have been given is just for a short time. All the good and the bad that we go through, it’s just for this short life that we have been given.
For me, it is God, that is the the higher power. But, to have God, i knew that needed to believe in His son. I struggled with a doubt of Jesus that came upon me then, a stubborn doubt that haunted me, until i returned to the child-like Love of Jesus. That took a couple of years, and i do not want to go back to the doubt.

It was in the child faith where freedom came. I don’t tend to try and prove my belief to others. But, I have found less reason to be afraid of speaking about it, to non believers, and i like more to be able to have a place with others in which it is accepted to speak of it. An acceptance and some understanding. Mainly, i just believe, and try to pay attention. I am still like everyone else, in that i am live on the earth where there is darkness. The closer one is to this darkness, the harder it is to see it, but, it is there none the less.

I think a person can be walking far away from the light for many years, and not know it. I was. Now, i know, that even with God, i still live walking this scale of light to dark. And, that everyone that believes, still lives in place between the light of God and the darkness of evil. 
We continually have choice to use in life. Sometimes we use our choice to take us farther from the light, and sometimes we use our choice in a way that bring us closer. I have found that walking close to the light is the best place to be.  Even if i must make, what seems at the time to be, a hard, and not so rewarding, choice. The  darkness brings to us some very enticing choices that are hard to pass up.
We can be living in some kind of torture and still be walking in the Light, we can be living in ease and be blinded by the darkness. What believers go through, they can go through it, either closer the light or to the darkness.  
I find it better to go through everything closer to the Light, in the child-like Love for Jesus, which connects my spirit to the Spirit of God, who is of Love and Light.

SUNDAY

I’m not going to a church service today.  I know that much.
It’s true.  I don’t want to join a denominational religion.  And
if i don’t join, and join-in, and become part of the program, i
am an outsider.  I realize that, and i understand it.  It is tiring
to be the continual visitor in a denominational group of believers.
Continually facing the truth of not being a part of the group in
which i think i should naturally feel a part of.  I know, it’s
seems an unreal expectation.  Usually i can take part and let
go of this expectation, and then some days i am just too
tired to do it.

When it comes to denominations, it is much easier to be either
in or out.  I just can’t do all that it takes to be called by their name.
It’s not that i don’t accept the people the way that they are,
it is more like i can’t accept “being” all that it takes to be called
by their name.  Not the name christian, but the denominational
name.  Though i must say that the name christian has many
meanings beyond simply being a follower of Christ.

These are morning thoughts, but, they are my sunday morning
thoughts.  Not the same as other days, just as my thoughts
around christmas are not the same as other days.

These thoughts are about how i am different.
Different than non-believers,
and different than denominational believers.
Different than book-writing believers.
Different than right-wing believers.
Different than all the “groups” of believers.

I feel as if i’m a believer without a home.

Which makes sense, actually.
For that is what i am.
I am a believer,
and this place is not a believer’s home.
The only true believer’s home, is in Jesus.

Me in Jesus and Jesus in me.

IN THE LORD

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be strong
in 
the
Lord
and 
in
His
mighty
power
put on
the full armor of
God
~

truth
righteousness
the gospel of peace
faith
salvation
the word of God
the Holy Spirit
pray
in the Spirit
on all occasions
with all kinds
or prayers
and requests
be alert
and always
keep on praying for all the saints
I am getting the idea that Paul wanted believers to pay attention. He knew that a saint could be overcome if he did not stay alert and prepared. I agree with him. We are given quite a number of things that we need in God through Jesus. 
In humbleness to God and in gratefulness to God for His Grace to us… in this meeting, between God and believers, a mixing of His grace and our gratefulness. This prayer in the Spirit, it’s like the making of a complete circle, a living and flowing bond coming together like two rivers meeting and flowing together as one. What i am understanding, is that the relationship of talking and listening with God is the main thing, our life with Him, a big deal, important…really important.
I think we all better get with it, and talk, in the Spirit, with God…like, all the time. What do you think?
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STOP

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It was warm and the moisture in the air made my skin feel smooth. It was a few years ago, and the usual exit off of an airplane, but the walkway and the baggage claim was completely open on one side. No need for walls or windows. As we drove from the airport, on my left, i saw a brilliant blue sea sparkling in the sun. And on my right, i saw palm trees and then cactus and sometimes a field of pineapple. 
After we had been in Maui for a couple of days, i kept having to remind myself that it was December. We were removed from the rush and reminder of holiday preparation. Yes, there was a little bit of christmas decoration going on in some of the shops. But, it was softer, quieter than what i usually see. It makes me wish i could spend every thanksgiving through new year’s day on a remote beach.
Christmas just does not make any sense to me any more. Getting together, sharing a meal, giving a gift; those things make sense. Chopping down a tree and bringing it in the house, a wee bit strange, especially depending on where you live. One would be hard pressed to find an evergreen in some places in the world. And why a tree?  Why not cake?
Then there are the commercials that start playing in November; pounding into our heads and our hearts that we should be buying everything from electric razors to new cars to show our love.
It’s time to stop.
Time to really think about who is saying what…and why.
So many people, don’t even know Christ has already come and is with us every day.
Many people, feel lost and lonely, because they are not included in this big deal that is made once a year.
There is so much in this time, that people have named christmas, that is fun; and quite a bit that is actually very sad. I understand that people like to gather together, and i understand the attraction of special celebrations. But, they always end up on the calendar, and expectation is bound to that certain day every year, to do all this traditional crap that people have loaded on the wagon.
As far as being a believer of Christ, there is not anything about having said christmas time that makes any sense to me. There is too much of the things that don’t matter…and too little of the things that do.
I want to speak of Jesus, and worship Him, and be with Him; which makes everyday special.
This year we are to gather with some of my husband’s family, believers and non believers; to sing carols, give gifts, and to eat together. It should all come-off as planned. It should also be a fine time of sharing.  And that’s pretty much what it is; a fine time to share God’s Love.  Just like every other day.