We don’t need to try so hard at producing something that is special. Most production has special as a surprise that can not be planned.

When one door closes, another opens;
but we often look so long
and so regretfully upon the closed door
that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

There are shut doors
barred doors,
open, cracked,
and screen doors.
Doors with windows,
some are beaded curtains.
There are secret doors and
doors with a door man.
Up and down doors,
in and out doors.
Spinning around doors.
Every day there are doors
that will never open again
for us. We know it, we hate it,
and we try to use the window.

photo by nancy marie davis

blue alley 

photo by n.m.davis
there once was an alley
lined in blue
at the end was a forest
that we loved to walk through

I am now sixty-two. And time really does seem to go faster as I age. Only because we get closer to seeing the end rather than the beginning of our life here. The target looks bigger and bigger as we fly through space hurtling toward it.

As I hang onto my child heart, I also start to think of looking back less. Letting go of a lot of things that I have carried for far too long. Carrying things is something that only the young have the luxury to do. And we usually wish later on that we had learned this earlier. We hang onto things. We hold onto heavy grudges and heartaches, fears and anger. It is enough to make us sick and weary; and enough to ruin lives. Envy is a big one, as is jealousy. I can feel the heaviness when I say the words.

And it is so hard to see some of these heavy things until we are old, and looking back.

But, people of any age might take my advice.  Lighten up. Think light, pack light and let go.  You don’t have to hold on to heavy things, if you can ask, just ask for help in letting them go.  And practice the things that make life good. The things that sound light and really are very light.  Gratefulness, Love, peace, forgiveness, giving and letting go.

Find the love inside of you and feel it, share it, spread it gently without expectation.

The image is my digital art, the red sun.

i have always been an artist, in a sense of thinking that is. i think colour and shape, how something has a certain feel to it, how something has a certain balance. i like things that look the way that seems right to my senses. i look at everything as shape and colour and texture, and i like to touch things. i like to smell things, and taste things, like wine and food.

i like the way that a pencil feels on paper, and a good pen. also the way paint goes down onto what is being painted. i like photography and digital work as well.

it’s the way i think. it can’t help it. i really had no choice in the matter. no matter what i do, this is how i see it. it is my art.

and for the longest time, i did not enjoy it. i hid it away and did not create things that like to make or do. i felt a pressure to please other people. and now, i understand myself. and i actually like this part of myself. and i don’t think about someone liking or not liking what it is. i just enjoy it.

and so…here i am. the good, the bad, the ugly, and all the rest.

i want
to get it over with
not to an end
but an over and
over and 
over
with

there have been people
sharing part of themselves
their listening
their words
kindnesses
that i know
kept me
alive
surviving the rejection
of others
and the coldness of my own heart

i am back in this place
the only place to write
my thoughts
close at heart
frame of mind
meat and potatoes
crux of the matter
whatever
come here
if you
want
me

it escapes me
the magic of you

i can not figure
why

so many doves
fly

out of one heart

snuggle up a little closer
soft petals round and round
a sweet scent of a warm day on you
gathered in your midnight crown

nmd may 2017

bullpen, new athens
NMDavis
fellowship

✜

This is me, now, on the inside. Yes, I have to admit that I am many ages that insist on coming along for the ride. They don’t let go. Intent on being part of my heart and soul, no matter where I have gone or what I have done.

I look at this picture and I wonder what made me think, all of my life, that I was not pretty. I believe that I listened to the lies and the pressure, and compared myself with people that seemed better than me, smarter than me, prettier than me.  And all along, I did not realize that I was not the only one that felt the need to be accepted.  Today, I know that everyone, of all ages, have their own struggles. And comparing oneself with others is a dead end job. However a certain love is life-giving.

I hope to be able to look past differences, or my own feelings of dissatisfaction or fear, and instead allow Love to be where it is needed. And for this love to feed the hunger and the longing and to give the peace that is beyond our understanding.

It is no use having any armor that is not of the Light. God is what is left when everything else is taken away. The greatest of what is left to anyone, is the living Love that is God, the power that we know personally, and yet we don’t understand in a way that we can put into words.

It is there in spite of our human pettiness, rules, desires, hate, finger pointing, greed, …stupidity, laziness, needs, …expectations of others and ourselves, …selfishness, and fear. It is there, despite all the things that we are, and that we can not be.

We seem to find it impossible to simply give our heart for love in God, and secondly give love to others.  That is just not in our practice of feeding ourselves with what we make… or buy… or build for ourselves…or do for God what we choose.

We don’t listen. We take a simple command and make it into what we want.

All the while, the power is there, in the simple words of directing one’s heart to Love God… and in doing so, connect to the power of light and Love that works in ways beyond our understanding.  And we do not need to understand.  We are children, of all ages, we are children. Good and bad, we are. It is what it is. If anyone compares someone as worse or better, it takes our eyes off of the truth.

Comparison will get believers in Christ nowhere. Finger pointing at others will get believers in Christ nowhere.  As children we have a heart and soul to connect to the greatest power there is.  In simplicity, it is a most important thing that is asked of us.