pleasantly disturbed

.
casey lips maui dec 2007

the third thursday of the month, that’s what it is, and not what i am.
though i have to admit, it is a part of me.

i miss some of the people in my life that are dead, or that i can not talk to
or be with, or in some way communicate with.
i miss being able to see them, talk with them, touch them, or share words and
thoughts.

sometimes i am doing something and for a flash of a moment i think of
how i would like to share it with my mom or dad, and within that flash,
the remembering that they are gone.
those flash moments lead to thoughts that are pleasantly disturbing in that i do
remember being able to share with them, even though i no longer can.

actually, i can see both of my parents to a degree whenever i look in the mirror.
bits and pieces of them are in me, along with the people that came before them…
many of whom i have never met.

i miss a few teachers, the good ones that were understanding.  they are like
shadows that follow me.  they became part of me.

family, friends, pets, created things.  there is a time that each is in my life and
becomes a part of me to some degree.  and how much a part of me it becomes
does not always match up to how much time is involved in the experience.
a connection can be made in a year, on every third thursday of the month, or
by just one word or one glance.

i know there are times that the connection seems only on my part,  i can
enjoy being present with someone or something and later miss it dearly.  or i can
take something for granted and not realize the connection until the experinece is past.
but, still, it has become a part of me, each moment, sound, and sight, each person,
every word, scent and touch, every smile, frown, hello and goodbye.

it’s all here within me, and is part of what is used to change me into what i am becoming.

~
photo . “cj’s lips”

14 thoughts on “pleasantly disturbed

  1. I miss teachers, too. So I started writing to them, and they wrote back. I am still in contact with my 9th grade science teacher, my 11th grade English teacher, and my high school guidance counselor. Now, all friends. But there was my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Sanada, that I never was able to contact.

  2. Beautiful, especially the photo. Both my parents are still alive, but they live in Florida. I constantly wish to share things. I'm grateful for the telephone and skype etc, but it not the same.

  3. …really tugs at my heart strings. Both my parents are alive, but quite old. A phone call away and sometimes I am just too busy… It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that my mom will not be there one day to share with… What a void that will be. … I know one thing that is at the top of my list tomorrow.

  4. "actually, i can see both of my parents to a degree whenever i look in the mirror.bits and pieces of them are in me, along with those people that came before them…"I loved that line. And I know exactly what you mean. thanks for joining the carnival today, nance. ;)

  5. There are certain times, sounds, fragrances that trigger that yearning … no matter how long the person has been away.I like that you chose that shadowy image of lips … implying touch as well as speech.

  6. helen, that is exactly what happens to me…it's not like i don't know that my parents are dead…it's just like some of it remains with me, no matter what, and comes sneaking-up every once in awhile to surprise me.

  7. I do know what you mean. My mother lived with us for several years, but died almost a year ago. About a month ago on my way out the door, I found myself thinking "I really miss mom! I should give her a call when I get home.." Uh… yeah. Talk about long distance plans… And the thing is, she LIVED with us, and when she was in the hospital, I visited her DAILY. Why should a phone call pop into my head? Still, it was good to remember that I used to talk to her about everything.

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